“Show me a person who has never failed and I will show you a failure of a person.”
This quote from Mike Bloomberg hits on a popular -and true- notion that you have to fail to learn. And in the stories we tell about failing, we often raise examples of getting fired or losing competitions or flunking out of school or some obvious painful moment where we did not hit a mark we set for ourselves. Today, I want to share an additional view of failure. The kind of failing that occurs out of view of the public.
Listen up so-called “high achievers.”
I consider myself a high-achieving person. I have made great grades – high school valedictorian, summa cum laude in college. I am a fantastic employee – I have never been fired or ever even gotten bad performance reviews. I am hard-wired for excellence and do a great job at most things I try. One of the things I hear often is “What CAN’T you do?” On the surface, I look consistently successful, but let me tell you, I have indeed failed – miserably and often.
Sometimes failing looks like digging your heels in too hard somewhere you aren’t meant to be. You can have all the outward appearance of success – high grades, promotions, awards, raises, etc. But if what you are succeeding at feels horrible for you, I count that is failure too. Trying harder to win at something that is in conflict with your wellbeing instead of quitting to honor your own needs is failure. And I have done it to the detriment of my physical and mental health more than once.
– I have slept in office buildings overnight instead of going home, desperate to maximize time I could spend towards unreasonable work deadlines.
– I have returned to work immediately after having dislocated my shoulder in a fall instead of going to the hospital (thankfully a co-worker was like “ma’am…hell naw, I’m taking you to the ER).
– I have drank too much to numb painful feelings while trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing by not quitting an organization that felt like Corporate Survivor Island.
This is a small sampling from three different jobs. And in every one of them I was a high-performing employee. Proud that I was good at my job. I saw quitting as failure, and I saw getting fired as damn near fatal. But I was failing. I was failing MYSELF.
As my friend Sukie Jefferson said when I interviewed her on my show YOU Better!, “I don’t want to be good at something I hate. It’s not an accomplishment to be good at something that doesn’t make me happy.” (full episode linked below)
I had to change – and thank goodness I did. Now, when I need to disappoint someone else to honor my own priorities, wellness, and life…I do it and count it as a success. I am willing to quit. I can handle not meeting or exceeding expectations sometimes. I can even bear the thought of being fired. Everything does not have to work out! I am proud that I am now willing to “fail” at any time necessary so I can succeed at being a whole, healthy person.
ABOUT KIESHA GARRISON
Kiesha Garrison is a Seattle, WA based professional emcee and public speaker. She leads high-impact events & conversations that spark positive personal, professional, and cultural shifts.
